They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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