I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
