who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Text me some of your sweat
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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