how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
