hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize