So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
