I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
