She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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