i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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