...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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