apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
