I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize