I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize