This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
