What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
