i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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