Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
