went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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