Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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