I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need water and some morals
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
