It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
