you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
