Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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