what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Of course I have a pirate flag
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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