Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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