I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
