Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
