Dual....:-)
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
