Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
