I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
