Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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