Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
