His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
