Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
