So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
