i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i need some magic done to my vagina
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
