Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize