You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
