I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
