Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
