I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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