I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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