don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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