Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
