The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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