eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
