never play flip cup with pint glasses
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
