The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
