Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
