can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you would pick up someone in the library
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
