she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She bit a glass in half.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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