Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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