I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
