thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
