Cold hands, warm shart.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
