i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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