idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
