he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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