need another drink. this is the easiest way
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
