she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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