don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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