You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
