I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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