i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Farmville is her only friend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
