I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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