Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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