I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
