He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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