Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish you could order shots online.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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