Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
