Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
