Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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