I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
