Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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