i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
