used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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