I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
