this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
