Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
