i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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