my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
