but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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