frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
