Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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