why didn't you poke me back
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
