so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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