note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Cover your peen. We're going out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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