Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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