There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
