Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
