I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
