capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
