PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
