I must be too annoying 4 u.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
