I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
