Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
PANTIES FOUND
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
