Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize